Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case Heaven is run by the IRS.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.
Serving hot coffee on an aircraft causes turbulence.