Erma Bombeck

My children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV.

Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

He reminds me of the man who murdered both his parents, and then, when sentence was about to be pronounced, pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.

If a man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Jeff Valdez

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow.

How to get rid of an unwanted cat in a city apartment: Put cat in elevator. Press 1.

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