A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
Why was the archaeologist depressed? His career was in ruins.
Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money from them.
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me -- it's the parts that I do understand.
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
The need for change bulldozed a road down the center of my mind.
Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.