If you want work well done, select a busy man; the other kind has not time.
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
The most merciful thing in the world . . . is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
Artistic temperment is a disease that afflicts amateurs.
Every story has three sides to it: yours, mine, and the facts.
The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.
When we quarrel, how we wish we had been blameless.