Franklin P. Jones

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of at!'

George Carlin

The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper pictures of the garbage.

When I die, I hope it's in a meeting. The transition from life to death will be barely perceptible.

If you don't wash your hands, it gives the burgers more flavor.

Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.

I refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David Hasselhoff.

Johnny Carson

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.


Subscribe to RSS