Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. 1st: "I've lost my electron." 2nd: "Are you sure?" 1st: "Yes, I'm positive..."
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
My father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.
O for a life of sensations rather than of thoughts!
I regard it almost as a law of nature that anytime an Internet-based standard is good enough, it will take over the volume business from the proprietary standard.
The job market is improving due to faster economic growth, and the need to replace all the corporate executives who are going to jail.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.