Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.

Jocelyn Elders

A society grows great when old men and old women plant trees under whose shade they know they'll never sit.

H. L. Mencken

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you always come back to the blessed fast that there are only 10 of them.

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the 13th or the 14th.

C. P. Snow

Technology is a queer thing: It brings you great gifts with one hand and it stabs you in the back with the other.

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

There are more men than women in mental hospitals, which just goes to show who's driving who crazy.

Suspense is like a woman. The more left to the imagination, the more the excitement.

George Carlin

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Boys should abstain from all use of wine until after their 18th year, for it is wrong to add fire to fire.

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