Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Chancey Depew

I get my exercise acting as a pall-bearer to my friends who exercise.

Kinky Friedman

No one has ever actually called a cat. They come when they wish.

Horses: Dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle

Douglas Jerrold

The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.

Craig Brown

Journalism could be described as turning one's enemies into money.

Julius Caesar

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'Damn...that was fun!'

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: 'Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!'

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