Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: Because they have big fingers.

Q: Why did pilgrims' pants always fall down? A: Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A: A stick.

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes: whack, dang! A bad skydiver goes: dang! whack.

Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? A: Quattro sinko.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Right where you left him.

You are 87 percent water. The other 13 percent keeps you from drowning.

Bette Midler

All these new girls are so trashy... and do I get a thank-you note?

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