Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jockey is not allowed to talk.

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

Original thought is like original sin: Both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

Fran Lebowitz

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

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