There were 13 kids in my family. We were so poor we had to eat cereal with a fork, so we could pass the milk to the next kid.
The most important thing to succeed in show business is sincerity. And if you can fake that, you've got it made.
I tell ya, I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood'.
A study says woman have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh!"
What really scares me most, more than nukes or cancer, is a man or woman without a sense of humor.
My mother said, 'You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate.' I said, 'just wait...'
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed'.
Pity the poor insomniac dyslexic agnostic. He stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rearview mirror.
If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it. That's my motto.