There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
The less things change, the more they remain the same.
It is not true that life is one damn thing after another. It is one damn thing over and over.
The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.
When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better.
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
Eat as much as you like. Just don't swallow it.
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
Avoid running at all times.