Never accept a drink from a urologist.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter-productivity.
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you're fat.
You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.