Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Erma Bombeck

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Erma Bombeck

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

Erma Bombeck

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter-productivity.

Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Erma Bombeck

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you're fat.

You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.

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